Revised Introduction

In this blog post I have included two versions of my introductory paragraph and have explained why one is more successful than the other.


The Original Intro

There have been many movements to reduce carbon emissions in the atmosphere in this age of primitive green technological advancements. One of the more popular methods among the scientific community and engineers is the use of geoengineering. Geoengineering is the altering of the Earth's natural processes in order to combat climate change, however it can also have many negative side effects. In the 2010 documentary, "What in the World Are They Spraying?", scientist Michael J. Murphy uses expert opinions and visual dynamics to demonstrate his notion of geoengineering being corrupt and dangerous. His mostly American audience of scientists and conspirators are left with feelings of anger and concern as to what their government is trying to achieve. Although Murphy effectively gets his point across, his lack of properly addressing the counterargument makes people question his true motives.

The Revised Intro

Humans and the environment, a parasitic relationship that feeds off of one another to survive. There have been many movements to reduce carbon emissions in this age of primitive green technological advancements. The most popular method among the current scientific and engineering community is the use of geoengineering. Geoengineering is the altering of Earth's natural processes in order to combat climate change, however it can also have many negative side effects. This topic has been of large debate in recent years, and scientists are continually fighting against one another to succeed in bringing these issues to the public's attention. In the 2010 documentary "What in the World Are They Spraying?" scientist Michael J. Murphy uses expert opinions and visual dynamics to demonstrate his notion of geoengineering being corrupt and dangerous. Although his point is effectively delivered, his lack of properly addressing the counterargument makes scientists question his true motives.


Although this new introduction could still use some tweaking, it is off to a much stronger start. When compared to the original, this introduction does a better job at trying to address why Murphy's argument is important in his field. I also removed the bit about Murphy's audience because I felt it would be better suited in a contextual paragraph.

catnipstudio. "MFC- Story Time". July 15, 2009 via flickr.
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